Young Evil Me
By Scott_Adams on General Nonsense

I’m a common variety of human being. By that, I mean that there are about a million guys who look like me. I see them all the time, and it creeps me out.

This has gotten worse over the years. Now I also see younger people who look like me at various ages. It’s hard to go in public anymore without at least once thinking, “Hey, there’s a little Scott from 1979!”

This problem reached the zenith of weird the other day. A large publication scheduled a photographer to take some pictures to accompany an article. The doorbell rings. I open it. And there I am, fifteen years ago, holding a camera, looking at myself.

I think that Young Me had a similarly strong reaction, as in “Good lord, I’m going to turn into one of THOSE.” It was an awkward moment. But it got worse.

Imagine spending an hour having your picture taken by a photographer who looks like you, but younger. He’s dressed as you would. He talks like you. He even has a profession you could easily imagine doing in an alternate universe. And now he’s taking your picture. Let me tell you, it was like looking at a mirror’s reflection in another mirror. There was something infinite about it, and not in a good way.

Then came the kicker. We went outside for most of the photos, to “take advantage of the light,” Young Me explained. He made me pose in various positions that all had the same finish: “Now turn slightly, and look toward the sun.”

Seriously. He told me to look directly at the sun. And he did it with a straight face. That is when I became convinced that this alleged other person was indeed me. If I were a photographer, I’d be having people stare at the sun until they were blind too. I’d also have them disrobe outdoors on cold days and sit on frozen park benches. That’s the fun of being a photographer. Otherwise, all you’re doing is looking through a hole and pushing a button. What kind of job is that?

Luckily, I know all of my own tricks. So I declined my doppelganger’s offer to blind myself for his entertainment. But I respected him for trying.

I have not ruled out the possibility that he was a time-traveling me. As a precaution, I went back to my office and moved everything he touched back to its original position, thus saving humankind from annihilation. That’s just one more example of how I’m working behind the scenes to make the world a better place.

You’re welcome.